Grief: Too Many Words

Mom's Dayton portraitWhen my mother died, I could not sculpt words around my grief. Even several months later, I still could not express how grief felt to me.

Now, a year later, I find I have too many words to shape and press around the edges of my grief. I can’t choose the right words that will show you the boundaries of my emotions as a picture. I try to paint with words, but I cannot choose the right ones for this task. There are too many, and the space of grief is too large.

So instead, I offer this excerpt from one of my favorite books, To Bless The Space Between Us by John O’Donohue. His poem, For Grief, expresses my feelings better than I can myself:

When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange.
The ground beneath you gets fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence.

Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.

. . .

It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.

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NIH RFA Ticker, 1/18/16

ticker

  • Total RFAs Issued by NIH: 115 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total Dollars Committed to RFAs: $1,502,950,000 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total RFAs for ME/CFS: ZERO (October 2015 to date)
Week Beginning RFAs Issued Total Commitment RFAs for ME/CFS
1/11/16 10 $71,200,000 Zero
1/4/16 0 $0 Zero
12/28/15 0 $0 Zero
12/21/15 3 $10,260,000 Zero
12/18/15 5 $20,260,000 Zero
12/11/15 27 $765,090,000 Zero
12/4/15 6 $26,600,000 Zero
11/27/15 4 $21,000,000 Zero
11/20/15 15 $134,400,000 Zero
11/13/15 2 $16,100,000 Zero
11/6/15 10 $22,850,000 Zero
10/30/15 7 $49,800,000 Zero
10/23/15 10 $33,200,000 Zero
10/16/15 0 $0 Zero
10/9/15 13 $332,450,000 Zero

If you want more background on the RFA Ticker, read the inaugural post.

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Long Term Disability Insurance/ERISA

If you are fortunate, then your employer provides you with disability insurance. When you become disabled, this insurance pays you a percentage of your salary, and you are not solely dependent on Social Security Disability.

In real life, it is never that simple because insurance companies try to avoid paying out too much in benefits, especially for severely disabling, chronic diseases with no treatment such as ME/CFS. There is a very complicated world of government regulations and case law that govern these policies and are supposed to keep things “fair.”

The Department of Labor has now proposed new regulations that will strengthen protections for disabled workers, and require the insurance companies to play more fair. The public comment period closes on January 19th, and you can be certain that the insurance companies are opposing these changes.

I’ve been too sick, and we’ve had several new family crises this month, so I have not been able to do much work on this. However, Jeannette Burmeister has done a fantastic job explaining the proposed changes and making suggestions for public comment over on her blog. I highly recommend you check out her three excellent posts on the subject, and then consider submitting a comment yourself:

Summary of Proposed Regulations

Sample Public Comment

Additional Guidance on Commenting

 

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Survey: Barriers to NIH Funding

Reprinted with permission of Lily Chu:

Over the years, IACFS/ME Board members have heard anecdotally from researchers, clinicians, and others that obtaining government-sponsored funding for research related to ME/CFS can be quite challenging, in some cases more challenging than that for other fields or medical conditions. Reasons that have been brought up include poor funding overall for the field, grant reviewers’ lack of familiarity with the condition, and lack of funding programs/ initiatives specifically targeting ME/CFS.

Proposed and planned actions might not be successful if they do not address existing barriers. Thus, we are polling the ME/CFS community this and next month regarding their views and experiences with regard to applying for government-sponsored funding. We also want to hear any ideas you may have for governments to stimulate or support research.

The poll is short (12 items total), anonymous, and open to anyone. We encourage non-IACFS/ME members as well as the international community to participate. Even if you are not involved in conducting research, we want to hear from you although some survey items might not apply to you. We hope to share poll results both in a future edition of this Newsletter as well as with US federal agencies and officials. Your participation in the poll can inform and influence future science policy so click on the link below to go to the poll and feel free to share the link with as many people as you wish. Thanks for participating!

Click to participate: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/ZLWB838

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NIH RFA Ticker, 1/11/16

ticker

  • Total RFAs Issued by NIH: 103 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total Dollars Committed to RFAs: $1,431,750,000 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total RFAs for ME/CFS: ZERO (October 2015 to date)
Week Beginning RFAs Issued Total Commitment RFAs for ME/CFS
1/4/16 0 $0 Zero
12/28/15 0 $0 Zero
12/21/15 3 $10,260,000 Zero
12/18/15 5 $20,260,000 Zero
12/11/15 27 $765,090,000 Zero
12/4/15 6 $26,600,000 Zero
11/27/15 4 $21,000,000 Zero
11/20/15 15 $134,400,000 Zero
11/13/15 2 $16,100,000 Zero
11/6/15 10 $22,850,000 Zero
10/30/15 7 $49,800,000 Zero
10/23/15 10 $33,200,000 Zero
10/16/15 0 $0 Zero
10/9/15 13 $332,450,000 Zero

If you want more background on the RFA Ticker, read the inaugural post.

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NIH RFA Ticker, 1/4/16

ticker

  • Total RFAs Issued by NIH: 103 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total Dollars Committed to RFAs: $1,431,750,000 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total RFAs for ME/CFS: ZERO (October 2015 to date)
Week Beginning RFAs Issued Total Commitment RFAs for ME/CFS
12/28/15 0 $0 Zero
12/21/15 3 $10,260,000 Zero
12/18/15 5 $20,260,000 Zero
12/11/15 27 $765,090,000 Zero
12/4/15 6 $26,600,000 Zero
11/27/15 4 $21,000,000 Zero
11/20/15 15 $134,400,000 Zero
11/13/15 2 $16,100,000 Zero
11/6/15 10 $22,850,000 Zero
10/30/15 7 $49,800,000 Zero
10/23/15 10 $33,200,000 Zero
10/16/15 0 $0 Zero
10/9/15 13 $332,450,000 Zero

If you want more background on the RFA Ticker, read the inaugural post.

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NIH RFA Ticker, 12/28/15

ticker

  • Total RFAs Issued by NIH: 103 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total Dollars Committed to RFAs: $1,431,750,000 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total RFAs for ME/CFS: ZERO (October 2015 to date)
Week Ending RFAs Issued Total Commitment RFAs for ME/CFS
12/21/15 3 $10,260,000 Zero
12/18/15 5 $20,260,000 Zero
12/11/15 27 $765,090,000 Zero
12/4/15 6 $26,600,000 Zero
11/27/15 4 $21,000,000 Zero
11/20/15 15 $134,400,000 Zero
11/13/15 2 $16,100,000 Zero
11/6/15 10 $22,850,000 Zero
10/30/15 7 $49,800,000 Zero
10/23/15 10 $33,200,000 Zero
10/16/15 0 $0 Zero
10/9/15 13 $332,450,000 Zero

If you want more background on the RFA Ticker, read the inaugural post.

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Collaborative Effort Announced

I take the responsibility of advocacy very seriously, and collaborating with others is part of my philosophy. This effort is an organic evolution of work by many other advocates that have come before us.

More than ever before, 2015 has been a year that has brought fresh hope to Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) patients. The Institute of Medicine (IOM) and NIH Pathways to Prevention (P2P) reports confirmed the neglect and disbelief that have held the disease hostage for decades and strongly recommended action to improve patient care. Publications from Stanford, Columbia and Haukeland (Norway) Universities brought new insights into the biology. World-renowned scientists have joined the fight. Stories about severely ill patients like Ron Davis’s son have created more public awareness. And the Tuller series brought greater exposure to the concerns with the PACE trial and psychogenic theories.

For the first time, there’s a sense that we have huge opportunities to change the future for ME patients. And just as importantly, there’s a sense that if we want to turn those opportunities into reality, then we need to find new ways to work together across the community to increase the impact of our voices.

To that end, a number of organizations, bloggers and independent advocates, listed below, have started having discussions to identify those areas where they can agree on goals and work together to achieve what is needed for patients.

Thus far, we have identified common goals to focus on, including the need to dramatically increase funding, to advance the research agenda, to resolve the definitional challenges, and to improve clinical care through quality medical education. We expect that this will lead to actions directed toward Congressional leaders, HHS and its agencies, and public awareness through the media.

To achieve these goals, we are going to need broad participation across the community. We will leverage the Groups feature on the MEAction.net platform to get input on these goals and to share proposals for joint actions. Because we are working as a loose collaboration, groups and individuals will be given the opportunity to opt in or opt out of specific actions.

Working in this way and at this scale is new for all of us and we will be learning as we go. We also know that we won’t all agree on every tactic or policy direction. But we believe there is power in numbers and coordination and are all committed to taking advantage of every opportunity that we can to regain our future.

Please join us and share your ideas and enthusiasm. If you are interested in participating and providing input, you can join in the discussion on MEAction Groups here: http://www.meaction.net/us-action-working-groups/

Signed:

Patient Organizations

Connecticut CFIDS Association, Inc.

ImmuneDysfunction.org dba The Vermont CFIDS Association, Inc

Massachusetts CFIDS/ME & FM Association

The Myalgic Encephalomyelitis Action Network (#MEAction)

Open Medicine Foundation (OMF)

New Jersey ME/CFS Association, Inc.

Pandora Org

Phoenix Rising

Simmaron Research

Solve ME/CFS Initiative

Wisconsin ME and CFS Association, Inc.

 

Patient blogs

Health Rising (Cort Johnson)

OccupyCFS (Jennifer Spotila)

Onward Through the Fog (Erica Verrillo)

Race to Solve ME/CFS (Claudia Goodell)

Speak Up About ME (Denise Lopez-Majano)

 

Independent Advocates

Lily Chu. MD, MSHS

Mary Dimmock

Steve Krafchick, MPH, JD

Robert and Courtney Miller

Donna Pearson

Staci R. Stevens, MA

 

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NIH RFA Ticker, 12/21/15

ticker

  • Total RFAs Issued by NIH: 99 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total Dollars Committed to RFAs: $1,421,750,000 (October 2015 to date)
  • Total RFAs for ME/CFS: ZERO (October 2015 to date)
Week Ending RFAs Issued Total Commitment RFAs for ME/CFS
12/18/15 5 $20,260,000 Zero
12/11/15 27 $765,090,000 Zero
12/4/15 6 $26,600,000 Zero
11/27/15 4 $21,000,000 Zero
11/20/15 15 $134,400,000 Zero
11/13/15 2 $16,100,000 Zero
11/6/15 10 $22,850,000 Zero
10/30/15 7 $49,800,000 Zero
10/23/15 10 $33,200,000 Zero
10/16/15 0 $0 Zero
10/9/15 13 $332,450,000 Zero

If you want more background on the RFA Ticker, read the inaugural post.

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The NIH RFA Ticker

tickerToday, I’m debuting a new weekly feature that I call the NIH RFA Ticker. My goal is to give you the data you need to help assess whether NIH is doing all it can to promote and fund ME/CFS research.

First, a little background. “RFA” stands for Request for Applications, and it is an announcement from NIH saying, basically, we will fund $X amount of research on Y topic. This is different from regular funding opportunities, because the money has been set aside. If enough meritorious grants are received, that money WILL be awarded. That’s different from tossing your application into the general pool and hoping it floats.

NIH last issued an RFA for CFS research in 2006, and we’ve been begging for another ever since. The CFS Advisory Committee has recommended one, advocates have petitioned for one, and both the IACFS/ME and members of Congress have asked for one. Ever since the NIH announcement about reinvigorating ME/CFS research on October 29, 2015, many advocates have been asking if we will finally see an RFA.

NIH has offered a variety of excuses for not issuing one in the past: there are not enough scientists interested in this area; there is not enough data to appropriately target one; or NIH does not receive enough ME/CFS applications to justify one. But RFAs are a tried and true mechanism for stimulating research in specific areas. If NIH really wanted to jump start ME/CFS research, a guaranteed infusion of cash would attract researchers like flies.

So I decided that we need to start counting NIH RFAs. Just how many does NIH issue, and for how much money? This is very easy to do. Each week, NIH sends out an email listing the new RFAs and funding opportunity announcements. The information is also archived on the web.

Starting with the first full week of October 2015 (because that coincides with the beginning of the federal fiscal year on October 1st), I have counted how many RFAs NIH has issued and for how much money. I will update this ticker every Monday. Let’s see if NIH can come through for us like they do for many other areas of scientific interest.

NIH RFA Ticker

  • Total RFAs Issued by NIH, to date: 94
  • Total Dollars Committed to RFAs, to date: $1,401,490,000
  • Total RFAs for ME/CFS, to date: ZERO
Week Ending RFAs Issued Total Commitment RFAs for ME/CFS
12/11/15 27 $765,090,000 Zero
12/4/15 6 $26,600,000 Zero
11/27/15 4 $21,000,000 Zero
11/20/15 15 $134,400,000 Zero
11/13/15 2 $16,100,000 Zero
11/6/15 10 $22,850,000 Zero
10/30/15 7 $49,800,000 Zero
10/23/15 10 $33,200,000 Zero
10/16/15 0 $0 Zero
10/9/15 13 $332,450,000 Zero

 

Posted in Advocacy, Research | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments