Sometimes, life just vomits in your lap. One thing after another goes wrong, and you feel like you’re juggling roaring chainsaws while pedaling a unicycle.
Or maybe that’s just me.
2013 has been challenging, to say the least. I’m fully aware that things could be much much worse, but it has been a struggle to keep my spirits (and those chainsaws) up. ME/CFS advocacy has been a whirlwind this year, from Public Citizen to the FDA meeting to becoming an FDA patient representative to monitoring the CFS Advisory Committee to researching what’s happening at NIH. All of those efforts have required time, focus and energy. And then there’s writing this blog. My goal has always been to post twice a week. I have a loooong list of posts I want to write, and I even mapped out a schedule through the end of July. On top of all that, two people in my family have faced potentially life-threatening health problems this year.
I’m not sure how much longer I can keep my balance on the unicycle with the chainsaws.
I guess everyone faces times like this, where life has gotten so crazy that you have to come up with a new approach. The threshold is lower with ME/CFS though, because stress is so toxic to our bodies and because our limitations are so severe. I simply cannot write as much as I would like, or take care of my family the way I would like. I have to keep reminding myself that I am, in fact, disabled and I can’t keep imposing full-strength expectations on myself. The best way to lower your stress is to lower your expectations.
I need to give myself a break, and catch my breath. I need to reorient. I need to rest. This blog is a high priority, but I may not manage two posts a week. I have many more requests for my time and energy than I can fulfill, so that means saying no to someone. And I have to design a sustainable way to move forward. I still haven’t learned to be patient with my limitations, and I hate confronting that part of my reality.
I guess this is just a long-winded way of saying that this is one of those times. Everybody has them. It’s tough. We get through it.