Eleven years ago today, my mother died. I can’t believe it’s been that long. Ten years ago, I wrote a list in my journal of some of the things she taught me. It was a brain dump, an attempt to siphon off some of my grief and make it more bearable. I don’t think it helped, and then I completely forgot about it.
I came across the list last month, typed it up, and let it sit on my computer desktop. Every few days, I opened it and thought about it. Are there more lessons besides these? (Of course) Do sixty-five things, ranging from banal to profound, capture anything true about her? (Or just about me?)
As I thought about it, a few of the observations coalesced into something concrete and specific. These are lessons that Mom really did teach me, mostly by her lived example. I hope they tell you something about her, or at least something about how I remember her.
What My Mother Taught Me
- Read widely.
- If you are not careful, clothes you make for yourself will be the worst you ever wear.
- Don’t put yourself first.
- Keep your house neat and uncluttered.
- Go down the rabbit holes of your curiosity.
- Do your laundry on Monday.
- Intellectual fulfillment is worth sacrificing for.
- Follow the recipe.
- Invest in nice things but don’t be extravagant.
- Be considerate.
- British television is better than American television.
- There are times when it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself.
- Investigate things with rigor and make decisions based on data.
- Welcome people into your home and heart, even when it’s hard.
I don’t do all of these things well, but Mom taught me to try. I miss her.
Beautiful! And such a testimony that you can remember, articulate and appreciate these things. It speaks to the heart longing to hear and know of what has passed, to capture that which we could wish to have in person and still with us. I’m so sorry you lost your Mom too soon. Sending lots of love today as you sit in remembrance and hold her in your closest thoughts.🙏♥️♥️♥️
Thank you, my sweet friend.
Absolutely love these! What a gem of a person – can see where your shining light came from. Some senior figures in the administration would do well to follow her example…
Thank you, Sam. Mom would have said she didn’t shine much, but she was luminous.
I’m heartened to know that I get to know your mom a little by knowing you. It’s a small comfort on these Big Grief Days that there are part of our dead beloveds that live on forever inside of us. I see it in my face sometimes, the pouches under my eyes that mirror my dad’s, or how my husband says to everyone,”eat it in good health,” after preparing a meal, just like his grandma did.
I think you would have loved her!
Beautiful post, Jennie. I so wish you’d had more time with her.
Me too. Think how much more I could have learned!
Ah, an invitation to reflect. Thank you, Jenny. The most important thing my mother taught me was be careful what you say. Words spoken aloud (if heard by someone else) can never be taken back. When you do speak, it’s best to be “diplomatic.” By this she did not mean dishonest. She meant, hear the words as your audience will hear them. She died in 2006 and I miss her every day.
Jennie, I apologize for misspelling your name…your piece resonated with me strongly, too strongly, perhaps.
You are fortunate to have had a mother who influenced you in so many positive ways, and that she lives within you still. A lovely post, thank you.
Charmian
My mom said this was doubly true if you put your words in writing! Twenty years sounds like a dreadfully long time. I’m sure you miss her.
What a lovely post to read. I, too, miss my mom. as she was so full of love and wisdom.
We were lucky!
Wrap yourself in hugs (virtual and otherwise if you can) from all of us who care about you.
Wrap yourself in memories of your mother.
I wish I had known her.
I feel like you DID know her!
When I read this I was happy for you for having a mother like that and sad for myself for not having parents like that. I don’t remember either of my parents teaching me anything other than how to accomplish quotidian tasks and get through the day. Then I realized that I hadn’t interpreted your premise correctly, that the lessons were ones you learned from your mother, not ones she explicitly taught you. Judging from her photo, our parents were in approximately the same generation, and parents of that era—and before—seldom consciously taught their children other than by example. That’s less true now, but only for a small percentage of parents. When I see it as lessons learned rather than lessons taught, my list blooms.
I’m glad you could lengthen your list that way.
Gahhh I love this. It sounds like we had the same mom! I lost mine last year. I hear her in my head all the time with the little lessons and philosophies she would embark. I’ve started repeating my little lessons, large and small, to my adult kids. Moms. Smile. Big sigh.
Gentle hugs.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Linda. It doesn’t get better, but it does get easier—if that makes sense.